My life has always been half
looking down the barrel of the gun and waiting
for the spark
and half staring through the eye
of the noose
waiting for a reason
(you are the reason
not to)
My heart wants shelter
in the stained glass quiet
is willing to drop to its knees and beg
forgiveness
My feet are already fleeing
the hallowed marble halls and scorching
the earth where I touch it
Because I try so hard to be good
but I’m still a sinner
and I don’t know if I’ll ever make it out
in time
(I don’t have to beg with you
you already put out the flames)
My life has always been me
ready to fling myself off a cliff just
to prove I can
and run
across the country on a dare
and just because someone told me
“Never stop running”
But my feet won’t move
I never jump; I always fall
and the running is only ever so far
that it makes me want to look back
and see what I’m missing
My shipwrecked soul
is certain I should go
My heart is a broken lighthouse
begging me to stay
(you are the ship in the night
reminding me I’m not
alone)
My hands are ice
but my heart is warm, I promise
I can’t help who I am
I can’t help who I want to be
I have always been in pieces
(I’m waiting to be put back together)