I wrote three lines last night
when I woke up choking on my terror
again
again
again
The way I wake up every night,
mid scream
and have for almost two weeks
I wrote three lines
You’d think there would be more
You’d think when the world unravels it would do so
in furious symphony
Heaven would crack, shatter, rain anguish down on the seas
and the seas would thrash and moan and seethe
Volcanos would tremble and burst, roaring through their deaths
But coming undone
can be a quiet affair
Storms can rage in sunshine
overwhelming the world without fanfare,
without thunderous rage
Volcanic doesn’t have to be explosive
It can be slow heat, devouring,
quietly,
everything in its way
Drowning doesn’t mean screaming
and fighting crushing waves
It’s a simple thing,
slipping beneath still waters
The world slips away in pieces,
like your favorite sweater unraveling
You notice the hole in your cuff, first,
finger the frayed edges and wonder what happened
but still you wear it
Then perhaps threads escaping around your collar,
and it itches,
but you love it,
and you wear it less often but still you wear it
Until you notice that it’s not as soft,
and you don’t wear it at all,
because the holes are larger and there are more
and if it’s not soft besides…
You run your fingers over it every time
you open the closet
But your sweater is unraveled,
and so is your life
(one thread for the loss of your love,
one thread for losing time with your heart,
one thread for your job and your friends and your safety)
and you don’t know how to fix either
The coming undone is quiet
until it’s not
Until you are in a car and someone hits you
and your world is crushing metal and broken glass
and the sound of screaming
You are held in place and you have to watch
you have to see it coming
and know you can’t stop it
You have to think you’re going to die
And then you don’t,
and the world (your world, alone)
marches on
No lightning,
no lava,
no bursting lungs
Just a sweater in the closet you don’t wear anymore
and a bed you can’t sleep in
I woke up and wrote three lines
I am still in the car
I am still in the air
I am still screaming