I’m choking on my fear
and it tastes like every smile
you’ve given me
It tastes like your name
on the tip of my tongue
like someone
on the edge of a cliff
preparing to throw themselves
off the side
Preparing to die
My skin
doesn’t stretch enough to
cover my bones
every time we talk
I’m overexposed
naked in a way clothing doesn’t fix
and I don’t even want my
clothes on
not with you
But I can’t breathe
Your eyes punched a hole
in my lungs
and I wasn’t ready
I’m still not ready
A heartbeat is a stupid thing
Fragile
timid
destroyed by very word
you say to me
I have no rhythm
I have no way of holding on
to myself, my sanity, my courage
because you send terror flooding through me
with a single word
I thought for a second that I couldn’t do this I could not cut myself open and let someone else in because that’s never been in the cards never been a possibility in my brain I had one foot out the door and then I thought about the way you said my name (I never liked my name) And yet two syllables have never stopped me in my tracks never dragged my breath from my body or steadied my erratic desperate always in-flight heart Or made me want to stay I want to stay Just for a minute I want to see if I can grow see if I can breathe